One of the best things (and there are plenty of those) about being a celebrant, is that no two weeks - no two days - are ever the same. I’ve never had a job that has been so varied, or one that has given me so many opportunities to meet new people and learn new things. I’m often asked exactly what a celebrant does, and of course the obvious answer is that I perform humanist ceremonies - funerals, weddings and namings. But celebrants do a lot more than just that, and I thought it might be fun to show just a week’s worth of the work that happens behind the scenes, and in between ceremonies!

I should also add that, like many celebrants, I combine this with other work - so some (and by some, I mean a lot) of that other world will creep in throughout the week. I also work one day a week running an open-access food hub project, and am a city councillor for the area where I live, King’s Hedges in the North of Cambridge. And I am part of the Humanists UK network of non-religious pastoral carers, volunteering one afternoon a week at my local hospice.

Monday

My morning starts, as it usually does, with a large cup of strong, black coffee. I’ve got three funeral ceremonies coming up this week, so it’s quite a long to-do list and I want to make sure I start off on the front foot.

Top of my list has to be buying myself a decent, waterproof coat, because two of this week’s ceremonies are burials, and last time I was out at Barton Glebe (my local woodland burial ground), I got caught unprepared in a storm. A quick online search ticks that first task off the list, and then it’s time to look at the emails.

I try to keep Sundays fairly email-free, unless I have a ceremony coming up on Monday and need to be in touch with the family. I’ll also sometimes go out on family visits at weekends, because that can be the only time that everyone is free to meet - but this weekend, the diary was clear, so I’m starting the week feeling nice and refreshed. Especially after meeting my fellow Cambridgeshire celebrant group for Sunday afternoon tea to say goodbye to two lovely colleagues!

Top of the inbox is an email from a funeral arranger I work with fairly often, asking me to approve the draft of an order of service for next week. I take a careful look, and reply with a few changes. I’ve also received a couple of enquiries about upcoming weddings, so I send off the information they need and suggest putting an initial ‘get to know you’ meeting in the diary. Then I reply to a mum about a naming ceremony enquiry for next Spring, inviting her to a Zoom chat later in the week to talk through what she would like for her daughter’s ceremony.

Mid morning I have to take a break from celebrant work to head out to the AGM of a local small charity that I know well through my work both as a councillor and as a food project coordinator - the Red Hen Project. They work with families across North Cambridge, providing much needed support to local parents and kids. It’s a great chance to catch up with some familiar faces, and I come away feeling really energised after hearing all about the organisation’s plans for the next year.

On my walk home, I field a quick call from one of our food hub volunteers about surplus food collection from a big supermarket, then it’s a quick lunch and back to ceremony script writing.

With three funerals coming up, it’s a fairly writing-heavy start to the week as I need to finish off scripts and check that families are happy with the life stories I’ve written on their behalf. I put the finishing touches to the draft of a tribute from the pages of notes I made at a family meeting last week, and then email it off to B’s family for them to read through. Pressing send on an email like that never gets any less scary. You want people to be happy with your words, and - most importantly - for those words to paint the best possible picture of the person they know and love.

I put on a dark wash, ready for the week - I never wear black except for when I am leading a funeral - and head out for a quick walk to get some time away from the screen. I can find myself spending a lot of time on the laptop, and have to remind myself to take breaks!

Another quick check of emails when I’m back at my desk. There is a lovely reply from B’s family to say the tribute is ‘spot on - no changes needed’. I send them a thank you and remind them that I am here for any last minute queries before the ceremony. Then it’s time to shut down for the day, and make dinner before logging into the hospice’s annual lecture on palliative care in Motor Neurone Disease. I come away absolutely in awe of the personal stories shared by MND patients.

TUESDAY

One really important part of being part of Humanists UK is that they really encourage us to do plenty of CPD (continuing professional development) to help us keep learning and improving as celebrants. If you ever think you know it all, then that’s a sure sign that you absolutely don’t!

I read a lot for my CPD and at the moment I am completely captivated by Rob Delaney’s book - A Heart That Works - written about his son Henry, who was diagnosed with a brain tumour aged just one. It’s beautifully written, and such an inspiring account of grief and love. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how I work with bereaved parents, and how I can better support them to create the funeral that they want for their child. Rob’s book has been invaluable in helping with that.

I spend a couple of hours immersed in his wonderful writing, before getting up to start the day. This evening’s diary is taken up with a council meeting that I know will finish late, so I spend most of my day making sure that I have all my scripts for Wednesday’s two burial ceremonies finished, printed out and all ready in my ceremony folder.

For each ceremony I put together a checklist and go through it the day before, to make sure I have everything that I need. I hate rushing, and the last thing a family needs is their celebrant to be flustered. Especially with funerals, we need to be calm, confident, and in control (even when we’re paddling like mad beneath the surface).

One of the ceremonies is a natural, woodland burial with music needed at the graveside, so I download the playlist I’ve made specially and put my portable, Bluetooth speakers and battery pack on to charge. I learned that lesson the hard way as a new, inexperienced celebrant, and now I make sure I don’t leave the tech to chance.

The other ceremony is in a small chapel attached to the cemetery, without the luxury of an inbuilt sound system and chapel attendant like you have at a crematorium. The funeral director has downloaded the music onto a CD, but I’ll feel better having the bluetooth speakers as a back up if needed.

WEDNESDAY

*‘Windswept and interesting’ out at Barton Glebe…*

My busiest day of the week!

Normally a Wednesday would see me at my ‘other’ job, running the Cherry Hinton Food Hub and getting ready, with our wonderful team of volunteers, to open to the public between 2 and 4. However, one of the things about working as a funeral celebrant is that - unlike with weddings and namings, which have a much longer lead-in time, ceremonies are often booked with only a couple of weeks’ notice. It’s very much a case of taking the work as and when it is offered, and it just so happened I had two funeral enquiries for this Wednesday. So, I’ve taken a day’s leave, knowing the food hub is in safe hands and freeing me up to lead these ceremonies.

Two ceremonies a day is really my maximum, and I try not to do more than that. I want to feel that I am giving each family my very best self as a celebrant, and that they have my full attention.

I set off for Barton Glebe Woodland Burial Ground, to be there by 12 ready for a 1 o’clock ceremony. I always like to get to a ceremony early, so that I can relax and prepare, calmly and without hurry. But that is especially true when it is here, because Barton is just about my favourite place to lead a funeral. It’s so beautiful and reminds me of my own father’s woodland burial eleven years ago. I always feel peaceful here.

I’ve been lucky enough to lead several ceremonies at Barton and have loved it from my first visit for E’s ceremony (my eighth) back in 2019. I take a walk up to the graveside first to check everything is in order, and meet the gravedigger for a chat. On my walk back down to the lodge I stop, as I usually do, and stand for a moment at the graves of people whose funerals I’ve officiated, to pay my respects. I have several friends buried here also, and I like to take time, if I can, to remember them as well.

I recently led an ashes interment here for E, so I stop at her grave marker not far from the path, and place a visitation stone in her memory. While E no longer followed the Jewish faith, it was important (particularly for her elderly father) to mark this somehow in her funeral ceremony. Placing stones on a grave is another part of that tradition.

I say a few words for E and then head back to the lodge, where I gratefully accept a cup of tea from the staff there. There’s still time to plug my phone (always switched to airplane mode) into the speakers in the lodge and test sounds levels before the mourners begin to arrive. At Barton, celebrants will usually play the music themselves and I’ve got used to it now, although it did fluster me as a new celebrant. It felt like one more thing to remember!

P’s burial ceremony is a real celebration of life, with some really lovely tributes - four, so quite a few to fit in along with a reading. My role is to act as a kind of ‘mistress of ceremonies’, bringing all the different contributions together, as well as performing the graveside part of the ceremony and speaking some words of committal as P’s coffin is lowered. Usually, I stay around at the end of a service until a family is ready to leave, but this time I need to make a quick exit in order to get from Cambridge to Saffron Walden in time for the last service of the day.

I make my way down the A505 towards Saffron Walden and the town cemetery. It feels very strange to bypass the turning for Cam Valley Crematorium, where I spend much of my time conducting ceremonies, and head towards town. I arrive at the cemetery and catch up with the bearers, all of whom are very familiar faces to me.

We check the CD player is all loaded up and the volume levels are correct. This is a new chapel to me, so I take a few minutes to look around. It’s a gorgeous, tiny building at the front of the cemetery and a perfect space to remember someone’s life.

The ceremony is also being recorded for family who weren’t able to travel from abroad, so I have a quick chat with the family member who is in charge of the camera, to check that they have everything they need.

*The chapel in Saffron Walden Cemetery at dusk…*

It’s a wonderful ceremony, filled with love, as well as with tears and laughter in equal measure. As we walk back from the graveside, I get a chance to catch up with the funeral director who I know well but have’t seen for quite a while. We say our goodbyes, and I leave the family with a promise to email them a keepsake copy of B’s service before heading back to Cambridge (and another council meeting).

THURSDAY

First on my list for the day is catching up with admin, particularly after yesterday’s funerals. I always like to send out a keepsake copy to the family fairly soon after each ceremony if I can. As I’ve got everything I need for yesterdays funerals , I get them all typed up, formatted and emailed out. I also contact the funeral arranger I’ve been working with, letting them know how the funeral went and thanking them for the referral. I think it’s good practice, and helps build a positive working relationship - especially when we very rarely meet in person, because we usually just speak via email or over the phone.

I’m an absolute shocker for updating my expenses regularly, so am trying to be much stricter with myself, so I dig out my travel receipts and get those inputted into my spreadsheet. Not the most interesting part of the job, but a necessary one!

I’ve scheduled a ‘get to know you’ call with a prospective namings client at lunchtime, so I spend half an hour preparing for that, thinking through what we will need to cover, before heading out to run some errands. Quick trip to the post office to send out some printed presentation copies of funeral scripts as well as some namings certificates, and then I head across town to drop some of my business cards into a local funeral director. I know the funeral arranger is new, so want to introduce myself as well - and we have a really good chat about humanist ceremonies.

I find a quiet corner in a café for my FaceTime meeting. Mum and I chat for twenty minutes or so about what she and her partner would like for their daughter’s naming ceremony next Spring. I get to meet Baby A too, and say hello!

*Lamp post decorations on the walk up to the hospice, all knitted by volunteers…*

Thursday afternoons are always reserved for chaplaincy volunteering at my local hospice. I’ve been part of Humanists UK’s Non Religious Pastoral Support Network since my training almost four years ago, and have been volunteering at the hospice for almost three (although with a big break during COVID).

The time I spend here with patients and their families really is one of the highlights of my week, and an absolute privilege. The chaplain has left me a note to visit two patients, so I grab some scrap paper, make a list of the people I need to see and head down to the inpatient unit.

Over the next couple of hours, I spend time in the lounge, chatting with families about how they’re doing and their worries over what the future might hold for the person they love. I sit with a patient and read the paper to them while they drift in and out of sleep, then go next door to speak to a lady I saw last week and who asked me to come back and visit her again. She’s not doing as well this week, and we sit for a while as she tells me about some of her current frustrations and concerns.

Time on the inpatient unit over, I head back to the office to write up my notes before heading home. Unfortunately, Cambridge traffic means the bus journey takes almost two hours!

My last task of the day is to put the final touches to the script for D’s funeral tomorrow morning. I get everything printed out, put into my folder, type up a quick cue sheet for the chapel attendant and then get an early night, because I’ll have to be on a train by 8.30 tomorrow morning…

FRIDAY

*A rainbow over West Suffolk Crematorium…*

I set off bright and early for the station to catch the train to Bury St. Edmunds, over in Suffolk. I find I travel a lot as a celebrant, which I enjoy.

West Suffolk Crematorium is a particular favourite, and today I am in the smaller of the two chapels (Abbey ) for a 10.30 service. The team of bearers arrive nice and early, and we spend a bit of time catching up. I’ve only met them fairly recently, so it’s nice to have plenty of time to talk for a change, as they usually disappear after the start of a ceremony, once the coffin is in place.

I run through the music with Sarah, the chapel attendant and then go out to greet D’s two children. The family are easy to spot, because they are all wearing black with a splash of yellow - D’s favourite colour, and the colour of the house (and sports team) he captained at school.

As I tell the story of D’s life, it’s really wonderful to look out at the full rows of seats in the chapel, and I remind myself of what it felt like during the early part of the pandemic when numbers were restricted at funerals. It was, frankly, harrowing - doubly so for the bereaved families, and I still feel upset and angry on their behalf.

The ceremony is a fairly short, simple one, as requested by D’s family, and it all runs smoothly. Although when ‘Land of My Fathers’ (chosen to mark D’s love of Wales, and his Welsh-born wife E) plays, I must confess to getting a bit of a lump in my throat. That and ‘Bring Me Sunshine’ get me every time, without fail.

*D’s ceremony commemorates, among other things, his love of Wales…*

D’s family have chosen to leave the curtains open, so that they can say a final goodbye to their dad and grandad as they leave the chapel, and the funeral director and I wait outside until they are ready. Today I stay for fifteen minutes or so and talk to the family. I also make sure to thank them for trusting me with D’s service. It’s a tough thing to do, entrusting something so important, something about a person you love, to a relative stranger. I hope I never lose sight of that privilege.

It’s been a busy week, so I’m taking the rest of the day off. I’ve arranged to meet my oldest friend for a belated birthday lunch, and I catch up on my usual post-funeral admin in the café while I wait. I also make sure to log my week’s ceremonies on the celebrant dashboard. It’s important for Humanists UK to know how many ceremonies we’re taking, which funeral directors we’re working with, and where those ceremonies are happening. Being a bit of a data geek, I absolutely get it!

On the train back to Cambridge, I receive a WhatsApp message from K. She first contacted me two years ago, when her mum J was preparing to undergo surgery for a brain tumour. They wanted to start a conversation about what would happen if she didn’t make it through the surgery. Thankfully she did, and went on to enjoy more time with her family.

I heard from K again over the summer and went to visit the family. We sat in the sunshine and talked through what K wanted for her funeral, and I wrote out a plan for her. I trained in funeral pre-planning about 18 months ago, and it’s been so useful being able to offer this service for people.

I know it’s helped J’s family to have some reassurance that they will be doing the right thing for her. K tells me that it was a real comfort to J too, which I am so pleased about. I send a quick reply to let K know I am thinking of them all, and that I will be in touch very soon to arrange to meet up with them.

Unusually, I have no ceremonies lined up next week, so I’ve earmarked it for working on a marketing plan for my wedding ceremony service. I’ve got two family meetings to arrange for funerals, and will need to follow up that naming enquiry too. I’m also looking forward to joining LGBT Humanists on Sunday at Fitzrovia Chapel for an event marking Trans Day of Remembrance.

I started this piece off by saying there was no typical week for me as a celebrant, and there really isn’t! This week has had lots of ceremonies, and then next week my diary is clear.

But that’s how it is being a celebrant, and it’s one of the things I like best about it. Along with the chance to explore my creativity, it’s the freedom and the challenge that I probably value most.

That said, come Monday when I open up my emails over that first cup of coffee, my week could quickly change - and that excitement is something I love too.

A week in the life of a celebrant…

Monday

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

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